Rain is pouring hard as i am typing. A cigarette in my left hand, plus a cup of coffee and a 1000-something pages of Nobel Prize winner-authored economics text book sitting right beside my laptop. But more than anything, i wish it were a bottle of citrus-flavored vodka and a friend to talk to. 

Reminiscing of what is going to happen in the next 10 days, putting my head on these upcoming exams appears to be impossible.. Out of 52 weeks available in a year, it is questionable why would life choose that one finals week where my to-do-list is filled to its maximum capacity to mess up with me? 

For one moment life lets me have everything i ever wanted. The finals week was approaching, and thenI was accepted in a globally reputable school, academic and prestige wise, and had my dad to be willing to cover for the tuition that costs him a fortune. My hope to get out of this predominantly homeless city to expand my academic horizon was granted. And this winter break, i am supposed to celebrate Christmas and New Year’s Eve in Europe with my long-missed so-called boyfriend. Plane ticket (and Coldplay concert ticket!!!), checked. Hotel reservations, checked. Schengen visa, checked. I dont mean to brag, but all i had to do was: ask. One text message, and voila!, these privileges are mine. 

But, the next, life takes away everything i ever had. As the finals week arrives, i am reminded that i am bound to lose the life that i have built for the past year in no time; the train route to places that i am now accustomed to, the bus schedule to school that i am now having at the back of my mind, the tunnel to classes that i am now acquainted with, and most importantly, the extra-ordinary friendship i have formed with Gloria Sanin. That per se is already despairing. And shortly before the first exam begins, the so-called boyfriend departed. And all i have already done was: ask. 100 text messages begging for forgiveness and a second chance, and voila!, he’s still not coming back.

Life is funny. For one moment life was beyond perfection, but the next, life was falling apart beyond my strength. Yesterday, I got all I ever wished for, but in a way, i lost even more

Perhaps i’ll just have to accept the fact that this is how bittersweet life is. Perhaps i’ll regain my beyond-perfection life back down the road. Perhaps its the way life replaces things and people in my life that arequote-and-quote outdated. Perhaps i’ll come across with people that i could engage a conversation about Greece austerity plan in an informal manner with, and professors that are aware Harvard has its own citation style, and not to mention a far more sophisticated public transportation system. Perhaps exploring Europe alone is an advocate for a soul-searching that help me to find an inner-contentment and true meaning of self-appreciation. Perhaps it is an excellent opportunity to party my sorrow up. “You don’t know what tomorrow has in store for you” ….. and that’s true.

But i do know two absolute things… That out of 7,000 people i’ll come across later, no one would travel an hour drive as soon as she was informed that i was in an emergency room, one that would waste 9 hours of her equivalent-to-A-grade time prior to a biology exam with me in the hospital, or one that would bring me 5 pain killers when i asked for 1. I will never find someone that have the exact same view about self-determinism as i do, and someone that is extremely sincere about a friendship, someone so sympathetic about what i undergo, someone so generous to share her favorite sushi with me, someone that is an iMessenger away to help with my Spanish, and someone that i could relate everything to (except how i feel about natural of course), all at one. 

And that right here, right now, all i have in store is yesterday and the memories it entails porque que lo que el alma escribe, no se borra.

I hope that is a fairly legitimate reason to mourn at the moment.